Why are you getting divorced?

Divorce is never an easy decision. However before you make a decision I would encourage you to understand why exactly you are considering the possibility. If you have reached the point where you are considering divorce the fighting and pain outweigh any joy you find from the marriage. It is important to understand what is causing the fighting and pain and if a divorce will help alleviate it. Divorce does not magically remove the obstacles in your life that are causing your unhappiness and you will be forced with making changes to avoid running into the same problems again.

Numerous reasons may exist why you do not feel your marriage is not working. You need to realize a divorce will likely set you back in your life and as you rebuild your life you need to take advantage of the opportunity to make better choices to avoid the same pitfalls again. You may be attracted to people who do not meet your long terms needs, you may have married somebody you were not compatible with or your relationship has decayed so severely it is beyond repair.

Incompatibility can be a reason to consider divorce. We have all lived different lives and all have our own ideas of what it means to be a husband, wife or parent. Our needs for attention and intimacy, our ideas of how to parent and our financial ideas may vary greatly and if you cannot make compromises your marriage may suffer. No matter the reason many people find themselves married to people they are not compatible with. If you feel this is the case and that you cannot be happy in your marriage a divorce may offer you the opportunity to find somebody better suited for your emotional needs.

The source of fighting in your marriage may also be less personal issues like finances. If you find yourself constantly fighting over money then you should consider alternatives to divorce. It is likely a divorce would only further stretch your resources. It may be more productive to spend your time and resources resolving everyday stress than getting divorced. However if the fighting has been ongoing and the attacks have become personal it may be a different case. If blame and hurt have become the means of arguing then you need to determine if the relationship could be saved if the financial strain was resolved. Understanding why you are considering divorce may help you make the decision, but make sure you are prepared to evolve and avoid the same mistakes in the future.

Please understand I do not encourage divorce, but I do not believe we should be bound by our mistakes because guilt or pressure. Our lives are much too short to spend them suffering needlessly. It is important to remember issues such as abuse or adultery may simplify your choice while children may complicate it, but you should be free to reach for a happy life. Divorce will be challenging and should not be taken lightly, but should not be ignored either.