Adjusting your perspective

A piece of advice I would give all parents facing custody issues would be to change their perspective from "my rights" to "best interest of my child." Many parents approach child custody disputes saying their rights are not being protected or they are being screwed or I am being deprived.

What I am saying here is not to change what you expect, but to change how you approach the problem. Many parents think my custody agreement is not fair to me because I only have 25% custody. Change this to the existing custody agreement does not meet my child's needs because he is being deprived the opportunity to develop a relationship with both of his parents. It is not changing what you conceive as a problem but taking the focus from you to your child.

If more parents would take this approach child custody it would filter out a lot of problems that are merely frustration and it would help parents communicate their concerns in a way that is more likely to be appreciated by the other parent. In addition to making discussions more likely between parents, the courts also use "child's best interest" as their standard determining custody issues.

This is not some magic that will fix child custody disputes, but if parents are forced to articulate their concerns in this fashion it may help lead to less conflict and more productive conversations.