An Objective Eye

As a family law attorney I feel it is my job to understand your situation and craft a strategy that best meets your needs. The actual process of divorce does not really change, but each marriage is so unique and the reasons you have chosen to end your marriage are unique to you. So deciding whether to try mediation, considering counseling or co-parenting classes will be based on your needs.

Many times a marriage full of fighting leads to a divorce full of fighting, followed by more fighting that seems to never end. If the point of divorce is to leave behind the pain and fighting then why do some people keep fighting? A lot of the time the fighting continues over custody issues and children find themselves in an unending fight. In these types of divorce the first impulse for many couples is to get attorneys and fight over everything when that is probably the opposite of what they need. They already know how to fight and they need help finding non-confrontational ways to communicate. These people need to let go of the existing hostile relationship and find a way to create a new business like relationship. Mediation may be useful as it would force them to actually talk and listen in a controlled atmosphere. This may be the first step of evolving away fighting to co-existing.

Another common scenario at divorce is when one spouse maintains a dominant role over the other. Whether there was abuse, one spouse is very controlling or one spouse is just very timid these divorces are much different that the ones above. With the marriages above the goal is to teach the parties to communicate because they are negotiating on an equal level. In these divorces the possibility of manipulation or intimidation can be very harmful so additional steps must be taken to ensure both sides are protected. Here each side needs separate representation from an attorney to ensure the divorce is safe. Collaborative law can offer a means to avoid the courts. Collaborative law allows a settlement to be reached by attorneys. Sometimes though this is not enough. If the relationship was so unbalanced sometimes it takes the authority of the court to manage the case. Co-parenting classes and therapy can also help the spouses develop a more even relationship over time but it is unrealistic to expect the spouses to be able to handle their problems on their own.

Some divorces may be much simpler than the two scenarios above. Sometimes the couple have terminated the intimacy and emotion of the relationship long ago and just stayed together for the children or money. In these situations there may be minimal conflict and the parties are probably capable of working through their case in less time. Mediation will likely be very effective and an attorney can draft all the proper documents.

Whatever your situation divorce is not just a simple mechanical procedure. Each marriage involves two unique individuals with unique problems that need to be understood. Divorce is not only the termination of the marriage but agreeing on how future communications will be handled.